She sat across from me in tears as she shared how much my leadership had hurt her. It was not the first, nor the last time, that I would hear comments such as these. Because leadership is all about working with people, it is inevitable that along the way you are bound to bruise one another. A bricklayer drops the odd brick, the hatchery owner breaks a few eggs, and the leader hurts a few people along the way. No matter how hard you try not to, somewhere, somehow, you will. So the question is not really "Will you hurt someone?" but, "When?" and, more importantly, "How?"

I have given a lot of thought to this subject over the last year. It was inevitable as several people approached me and pointed out shortcomings in my own leadership and how they had been made to feel less valuable. I believe no leader ever starts out intending to malign anyone he or she leads but because of our own weakness we do a pretty good job of it anyway. Over the last year I have counseled many who have been hurt by their leaders. Again and again common themes arose. I began to see that most of the situations were not complex. They didn't need to be dissected by Dr. Phil. Rather, the transgressions were similar to those found in the sandbox of any school yard in North America. It seems as we played and our parents continually interjected corrections to our interaction with our peers, they were right. When you strip away your title, your authority and your power as a leader you are left with the simple fact that you are no better, no worse, than all the people you work with. Having the ability to look through the smoke and glass of our titles and roles can really clarify our own vision. I call this getting "naked" as a leader. In my estimation these are the top three errors leaders make which, in turn, can needlessly hurt their people.

1. Dis R-E-S-P-E-C-T

A Public Agenda study which asked workers to state what they most wanted from their workplaces found the number one response to be "Respect." When the same leaders and managers were polled as to what they thought their employees wanted, they were a million miles apart. It appears that, more than high salaries and good benefits, people want to be respected. No one wants to go to work and be demeaned, feel inferior, or be treated as if their life doesn't make much of a difference. From personal experience, both from being wronged as a follower, and wronging others as a leader, I have found disrespect to have a definite fingerprint. When people don't feel listened to, when their suggestions or ideas are dismissed without consideration, or when they are excluded from decisions that affect them, they will feel disrespected. Years ago when I was working as a junior minister I remember making many suggestions on how things could be handled better but because I was not in the upper circle of leadership, I know many of the suggestions were not taken seriously. In the same light I can think of many times where suggestions were made to me; yet, because the person making them was not in a leadership position, I did not give their voice much weight from the onset. How terrible! What is it about us leaders that make us feel we have the inside track on the truth? I find disrespect usually flows from one of two springs.

(a). The arrogant leader

Some people, for whatever reason, really do believe that being in leadership makes them better than those they lead. These people forget that leadership is a role. It is a role that is defined by an environment. Just because you are someone's manager doesn't mean that you have somehow become a better human being. There are cultures in the world where birth order is paramount. A twin who is born one minute later than his sibling will find himself bowing before his older brother for life. We look at extremes such as these and shake our head, but is our mindset in business really that different? When we feel superior to the people we lead, disrespect naturally follows.

(b). The insecure leader

As a young leader I tried to mask my own insecurity by "faking it until you make it." I did not want to appear weak or inept as a leader and so I acted like I always had the answer or solution to every crisis. I wrongly assumed that if I didn't know all the answers, those I led would not respect me. It is a common mistake many young leaders make when they are short on the confidence which comes from experience. Insecurity causes you to keep people at a distance. It prevents you from asking their input or advice. To those you lead it comes across as arrogance and disrespect. Employees want a leader who is real, authentic, and relies on their team for help. This is motivating and encouraging. To get respect, you must be prepared to give it.

2. The Unhealthy Bottom Line

The other area where I have seen so many people needlessly hurt is when organizations have an unhealthy "results only" culture. What I mean is that an organization cares little for its people because it's all about the bottom line. Some will argue, "We are not in business to make people feel good, we are here to make money. Without a strong bottom line there won't be a job for people to come to." I am not saying the bottom line is not important. I am not even giving a ratio of how important it is compared to treating your people well. What I am saying is that often our own corporate culture can trick us into thinking we care about our employees but, at the end of the day, the bottom line wins out. It is probably the greatest culprit in shaping how we treat one another. Great managers are able to meet the bottom line without sacrificing their people to get there. In business today there can be enormous amounts of stress and pressure to produce. The funny thing about stress is when you mix a stressed-out manager with any other person on the planet you have a potential bomb. Some of the greatest wrongs I experienced as a follower all had to do with the bottom line. Some of the greatest wrongs I have done to others over the years have been connected to meeting that same bottom line. It's an ugly chain that can go forever. My boss presses me for results, and so I press my people and they in turn put the heat on their people. I am not saying there is anything wrong with pushing and high expectations, but when we lose perspective we get into trouble. When the results begin to come at any cost to our greatest assets - our people - we are heading down a regretful road. You can keep people highly motivated and treat them with respect. You can admonish someone on their work ethic and do it respectfully. If you want to beat something buy a mule.

3. The Doghouse

The doghouse may not have a physical address but many of us are familiar with it. Over the years I have seen it time and time again. When a leader gets upset with an employee, it always tests the leader's emotional intelligence. Does the leader have the emotional maturity to keep things in perspective and look past hurts even when they are directed at him or her? As a leader, our reaction to people hurting or disappointing us is crucial. When leaders cannot separate their emotions from the situations at hand, they can sentence people for days, weeks, even months, to the doghouses of Siberia. You have seen it before: "Ever since Jones blew that account he doesn't get invited to the golf games anymore." When employees disappoint their leaders they often feel insecure. They become over-sensitive to everything their boss does next. They will pick up a difference in demeanor, a change in tone of voice, or whether or not the boss jokes around with them as before. One of the requirements of leadership is to deal with situations quickly and thoroughly so you can pick up where you left off and move on. If it is your nature to avoid conflict, you may procrastinate or try to ignore the situation. This resulting lack of action on your part will only lead to you sitting around and stewing about that particular individual. Employees pick up on this. Most will know whether they are in your 'good books" or not. I have been embarrassed in the past when someone has confronted me about my cool demeanor following an incident. As leaders we have to see the doghouse for what it is: a place for dogs; not people.

At the end of your leadership journey you want to look back and see the faces of those you have empowered, inspired and motivated to be more than they ever thought possible. What you don't want to see are angry, bitter people, who are grateful that they never have to spend another day under your watch. As I said earlier, these principles are not rocket science. We understood them when we were six years old in the playground. Time however can play tricks on the memory. Let it be said of all of us at our retirement party, "They treated their people well."

James Robbins is an adventurer and leadership trainer helping organizations build workplaces of full engagement and low turnover. His keynotes and workshops inspire and equip managers to face today's leadership demands. To find out more go to [http://www.ontothesummit.com/index.php?page=14]www.jamesrobbins.com

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