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Why It's So Difficult (Or Easy) To Change A Controlling Personality
- By Nick Arrizza
- Published January 26, 2008
- Leadership Styles
- Unrated
Nick Arrizza
Dr. Nick Arrizza, an Energy Psychiatrist, Healer, Key Note Speaker and Editor of a New Ezine Called "Spirituality And Science", specializes in Life and Executive Coaching, is the Developer of a powerful new tool called the Mind Resonance Process(TM) that helps build physical, emotional, mental and spiritual well being by helping release negative beliefs, emotions, perceptions and memories.
View all articles by Nick Arrizza
I'm sure like most individuals caught in the hierarchy of a business organization you have experienced at one time or another a manager who was controlling.
Let me first elaborate on what I mean by "controlling".
Management, we will recall is meant to be about leadership, that is the ability to inspire, facilitate, empower, guide, clarify, envision and so on. Such qualities inherently make one who is subject to such management feel alive, energized, purposeful, motivated, enthusiastic, productive, and fulfilled to name a few characteristics.
Many individuals who are being "managed" however often feel stifled, misunderstood, confused, overwhelmed, lost, frustrated, angry, alone, trapped, helpless, hopeless and so on. Most of these characteristics can flow from being "mis-managed" by a manager who is "controlling".
By controlling, I mean that the manager has a "one track agenda" which is motivated and directed mostly by fear. Fear that lives within the manager and which in many cases derives from the need to survive at all costs.
As we know in today's competitive world survival is the mantra of many managers within organizations. Unfortunately this mantra, when directed, actually "hi-jacked", by fear generates the controlling manager.
So you see it is the environment that plays a major role in the creation of such an entity.
As we feel ensconced by the reality we live in and feel we cannot change it we therefore feel trapped by it and by the types of managers it creates. So are we to throw up our hands and simply accept our fate? Or should we simply change jobs in the delusional hope that the next one will provide a more caring and empowered manager who really is acting in our best interests?
Well the fact of the matter is that no matter where you go sooner or later when push comes to shove your manager is going to "crack" that is give into the fear of not surviving and thereby revert to, or convert to, controlling behaviors which will again make your life difficult.
Now if you are such a manager and you feel trapped by your competitive environment and the pressures they bring to bear on you you may feel that there is absolutely no hope. You may feel that you "must" behave in a controlling manner just to get by.
If that is the case then indeed there is no hope of ever breaking the cycle. This of course leads to a very rigid or brittle form of management that only serves to undermine the wealth of creative resources and the needed flexibility that an inspired and empowered workforce can provide in changing times.
So how does one break the cycle? Very simply by addressing and erasing the belief, or fear that, you won't survive. Yes, I know that that at this point you have already either become extremely skeptical about continuing to read on, or you may feel a bit confused. In either case I ask that you persist in reading on because I feel that things will soon become a bit clearer.
The fear of not surviving is the issue at hand. It is clear that at the deepest level it can motivate one to do things that one may not actually want to do, such as behave like an uncaring, rigid, inflexible, short sighted manager who jeopardizes his/her relationship with their staff.
So if you consider that you have something "on board", so to speak that is causing you to behave in ways that are unbecoming of you, then how in control of yourself do you feel? Well, if you consider this closely, I think you'll see that you are completely out of control in these situations.
How does that make you feel? Likely not very good. In fact, it may feel like a bit of a paradox.
You see, you find yourself, out of fear,
behaving in a controlling manner, hoping to gain control of your staff and the situation so that you will feel more in control when in fact you are behaving in a way that is totally not like you and instead that makes you feel totally out of control. It's interesting how you find yourself in such a confusing state isn't it?
Unfortunately, it is the "fear of not surviving" that is working "behind the scenes" of your consciousness and is controlling you, causing you to be and feel "out of control" all the while making you "think" that you are "in control".
So as long as you choose to make this "thing" (the fear of not surviving) a "friend" and thereby continue to allow it to reside within you it will wreak havoc whenever the circumstances are right.
So why is it inside of you and what purpose does it really serve you?
Well its main purpose to being inside you is so it can sustain itself. Much like a parasite (and truly this is what it is) it feeds off of your energy, your life energy. To prove this to yourself, just notice how you feel after it has been in action. You will likely note feeling depleted or drained of energy. You see this is what one feels when one is caught in a perpetual state of fear i.e. drained.
As far as purpose goes, well it serves no purpose for you, but it tries to "convince" you that it is helping you to survive, i.e. helping to conserve your life force. Well how can this be the case if in fact it is doing the opposite?
The simple fact is that there is a built in "program" that comes with the "fear of not surviving" that helps it to "lie" to you about why it is inside you.
That lie goes something like this:
"The fear of not surviving helps me to survive and therefore helps me to go on living"
If you look at what it feels like to be caught in that fear however, as was stated above, you will likely feel out of control, tense, panicked, stressed, drained or depleted of energy (that's your Life Force "Energy" by the way) and all of that is equivalent to "dying" isn't it?
So is it possible to "dismantle" this program? If so what would it feel like to live "on the other side" of it so to speak.
Well the answer to the first question is a resounding yes! The answer to the second question is "Absolutely resilient. energized, empowered. confident, relaxed, focused, creative and fulfilled in ways most individuals have never experienced".
All of this is possible through a new modality that I developed a number of years ago called the Mind Resonance Process (R) (MRP). If you would like an introductory experience of MRP kindly contact me at the email address below.
Dr. Nick Arrizza is trained in Chemical Engineering, Business Management & Leadership, Medicine and Psychiatry. He is an Energy Psychiatrist, Healer, Key Note Speaker,Editor of a New Ezine Called "Spirituality And Science" (which is requesting high quality article submissions) Author of "Esteem for the Self: A Manual for Personal Transformation" (available in ebook format on his web site), Stress Management Coach, Peak Performance Coach & Energy Medicine Researcher, Specializes in Life and Executive Performance Coaching, is the Developer of a powerful new tool called the Mind Resonance Process(TM) that helps build physical, emotional, mental and spiritual well being by helping to permanently release negative beliefs, emotions, perceptions and memories. He holds live workshops, international telephone coaching sessions and international teleconference workshops on Physical. Emotional, Mental and Spiritual Well Being.
He is also a Quantum Life Biofeedback Practitioner
Email: [mailto:nickarrizza@gmail.com]nickarrizza@gmail.com
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Nick_Arrizza,_M.D. [http://ezinearticles.com/?Why-Its-So-Difficult-(Or-Easy)-To-Change-A-Controlling-Personality&id=828131 ]http://EzineArticles.com/?Why-Its-So-Difficult-(Or-Easy)-To-Change-A-Controlling-Personality&id=828131
Let me first elaborate on what I mean by "controlling".
Management, we will recall is meant to be about leadership, that is the ability to inspire, facilitate, empower, guide, clarify, envision and so on. Such qualities inherently make one who is subject to such management feel alive, energized, purposeful, motivated, enthusiastic, productive, and fulfilled to name a few characteristics.
Many individuals who are being "managed" however often feel stifled, misunderstood, confused, overwhelmed, lost, frustrated, angry, alone, trapped, helpless, hopeless and so on. Most of these characteristics can flow from being "mis-managed" by a manager who is "controlling".
By controlling, I mean that the manager has a "one track agenda" which is motivated and directed mostly by fear. Fear that lives within the manager and which in many cases derives from the need to survive at all costs.
As we know in today's competitive world survival is the mantra of many managers within organizations. Unfortunately this mantra, when directed, actually "hi-jacked", by fear generates the controlling manager.
So you see it is the environment that plays a major role in the creation of such an entity.
As we feel ensconced by the reality we live in and feel we cannot change it we therefore feel trapped by it and by the types of managers it creates. So are we to throw up our hands and simply accept our fate? Or should we simply change jobs in the delusional hope that the next one will provide a more caring and empowered manager who really is acting in our best interests?
Well the fact of the matter is that no matter where you go sooner or later when push comes to shove your manager is going to "crack" that is give into the fear of not surviving and thereby revert to, or convert to, controlling behaviors which will again make your life difficult.
Now if you are such a manager and you feel trapped by your competitive environment and the pressures they bring to bear on you you may feel that there is absolutely no hope. You may feel that you "must" behave in a controlling manner just to get by.
If that is the case then indeed there is no hope of ever breaking the cycle. This of course leads to a very rigid or brittle form of management that only serves to undermine the wealth of creative resources and the needed flexibility that an inspired and empowered workforce can provide in changing times.
So how does one break the cycle? Very simply by addressing and erasing the belief, or fear that, you won't survive. Yes, I know that that at this point you have already either become extremely skeptical about continuing to read on, or you may feel a bit confused. In either case I ask that you persist in reading on because I feel that things will soon become a bit clearer.
The fear of not surviving is the issue at hand. It is clear that at the deepest level it can motivate one to do things that one may not actually want to do, such as behave like an uncaring, rigid, inflexible, short sighted manager who jeopardizes his/her relationship with their staff.
So if you consider that you have something "on board", so to speak that is causing you to behave in ways that are unbecoming of you, then how in control of yourself do you feel? Well, if you consider this closely, I think you'll see that you are completely out of control in these situations.
How does that make you feel? Likely not very good. In fact, it may feel like a bit of a paradox.
You see, you find yourself, out of fear,
Unfortunately, it is the "fear of not surviving" that is working "behind the scenes" of your consciousness and is controlling you, causing you to be and feel "out of control" all the while making you "think" that you are "in control".
So as long as you choose to make this "thing" (the fear of not surviving) a "friend" and thereby continue to allow it to reside within you it will wreak havoc whenever the circumstances are right.
So why is it inside of you and what purpose does it really serve you?
Well its main purpose to being inside you is so it can sustain itself. Much like a parasite (and truly this is what it is) it feeds off of your energy, your life energy. To prove this to yourself, just notice how you feel after it has been in action. You will likely note feeling depleted or drained of energy. You see this is what one feels when one is caught in a perpetual state of fear i.e. drained.
As far as purpose goes, well it serves no purpose for you, but it tries to "convince" you that it is helping you to survive, i.e. helping to conserve your life force. Well how can this be the case if in fact it is doing the opposite?
The simple fact is that there is a built in "program" that comes with the "fear of not surviving" that helps it to "lie" to you about why it is inside you.
That lie goes something like this:
"The fear of not surviving helps me to survive and therefore helps me to go on living"
If you look at what it feels like to be caught in that fear however, as was stated above, you will likely feel out of control, tense, panicked, stressed, drained or depleted of energy (that's your Life Force "Energy" by the way) and all of that is equivalent to "dying" isn't it?
So is it possible to "dismantle" this program? If so what would it feel like to live "on the other side" of it so to speak.
Well the answer to the first question is a resounding yes! The answer to the second question is "Absolutely resilient. energized, empowered. confident, relaxed, focused, creative and fulfilled in ways most individuals have never experienced".
All of this is possible through a new modality that I developed a number of years ago called the Mind Resonance Process (R) (MRP). If you would like an introductory experience of MRP kindly contact me at the email address below.
Dr. Nick Arrizza is trained in Chemical Engineering, Business Management & Leadership, Medicine and Psychiatry. He is an Energy Psychiatrist, Healer, Key Note Speaker,Editor of a New Ezine Called "Spirituality And Science" (which is requesting high quality article submissions) Author of "Esteem for the Self: A Manual for Personal Transformation" (available in ebook format on his web site), Stress Management Coach, Peak Performance Coach & Energy Medicine Researcher, Specializes in Life and Executive Performance Coaching, is the Developer of a powerful new tool called the Mind Resonance Process(TM) that helps build physical, emotional, mental and spiritual well being by helping to permanently release negative beliefs, emotions, perceptions and memories. He holds live workshops, international telephone coaching sessions and international teleconference workshops on Physical. Emotional, Mental and Spiritual Well Being.
He is also a Quantum Life Biofeedback Practitioner
Email: [mailto:nickarrizza@gmail.com]nickarrizza@gmail.com
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Nick_Arrizza,_M.D. [http://ezinearticles.com/?Why-Its-So-Difficult-(Or-Easy)-To-Change-A-Controlling-Personality&id=828131 ]http://EzineArticles.com/?Why-Its-So-Difficult-(Or-Easy)-To-Change-A-Controlling-Personality&id=828131